You Give Love A Bad Name
by Natters13
Summary: Bella has been having a terrible year but it's about to get worse as she has to go home for her dad's funeral. While she's there will she be able to come to terms with her demons or will she let them ruin her life completely? AH
1. Chapter 1

Ok, so here we go again. This is the second idea for a one-shot but this has already stretched into a multi-chapter story. I've written the next chapter and I'm starting work on the third but I will only be posting them once a week at most because that will give me time to write ahead. This is unbeta-ed so any mistakes are my own and Iapologise of them profusely. I was too impatient to get this story published than to ask any one to beta this chapter but I will try to find someone for the future chapters.

THere is a lot of description in the first few chapters because I have to set the story but it will get better as the story progresses.

Enjoy!

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"I'm sorry ma'am but there's no record of your booking on the system," said the woman sat on the opposite side of the check in desk. "Are you sure you filled in the online form correctly?"

"Yes of course I'm sure! I had to pay $300 for a ticket just to fly to Seattle, that's not something I'd make up." I was getting really pissed off now. I'd had what was possibly the shittest year that any one person had had in the history of mankind and I was now being told that I had apparently spent an extortionate $300 to get home at the last minute for nothing.

Before we go any further into the shit train that my life has become I should probably tell you why my life is so bad right now. It wasn't always so bad. A year ago I was a normal, happy college graduate with a great job, great apartment, an amazing boyfriend and the best friends a girl could ask for but it all started to go downhill last March. I'd gone away with my two best friends from college, Alice and Rose, to San Francisco for a girly weekend but we had got home earlier than expected, Alice doesn't seem to understand the concept of speed limits. They had dropped me at my apartment and once I was unpacked I decided to go and surprise my boyfriend Mike. I drove across LA to his place and used my key to get in. You can imagine my surprise, anger and betrayal when I walked in to find him and my supposed friend Jessica going at it like rabbits on the couch. I'm not ashamed to say that I threw the bowl that was on the table near the door at his head and ran out of the apartment after informing him in no uncertain words that it was over between us.

A month later the trust fund dope head living in the apartment next to mine set fire to the building and my apartment was burnt down along with several others. A few of my things were salvageable but Alice had been delighted that she had a chance to take me shopping for an entire new wardrobe. It was then that we all decided to move in together as we had been looking for an apartment to rent for a while but hadn't actually found anything we all liked. I was really upset that I'd lost most of my possessions but it had worked out well in that I ended up living with my two best friends in a gorgeous apartment in LA which was relatively close to all our jobs, Rose's modelling agency, the fashion house Alice worked for and the art gallery where I worked.

Life began to look up until three months ago when I was called into a meeting with Susan, my manager at the gallery. I was told that they had to let three people go out of the team of six because the recession meant that people were not buying as much art as they used to and she could not afford to keep us on. I was one of the unfortunate three who was let go. It took ages to find another job but it was a definite step down from the art gallery and certainly a nothing to do with my Art History major. I now work in the Starbucks situated around the corner from the apartment. I have to work long hours just to make enough to cover my part of the rent, bills, food and so on.

Alice and Rose have been great through it all. They were there for me throughout the whole Mike debacle and went and got my stuff from his place and they were always there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. Alice had let me crash at her apartment while we looked for somewhere to live and they had even bought me most of my new wardrobe. And when I lost my job they were so generous as to cover my portion of the rent if I couldn't get the work or money by the due day and often refused to let me pay them back. I don't think I would have made it through the past year without them.

But the worst thing to happen this year by far happened two days ago when I got a call from my dad's friends and neighbours, Carlisle and Esme Cullen, telling me that I had to come back to Forks straight away, my father had died of a heart attack on Monday morning. That was by far the worst thing that could have happened and it took a couple of hours for me to stop crying and be able to talk to Alice and Rose. But they had again been fantastic friends. They had used my credit card to book me a seat on the first available flight to Forks, my childhood home, and had also bought two tickets for themselves for the day after tomorrow because they couldn't get any time off work before the weekend but they would be there to help me through the last of the funeral preparations and the funeral itself.

So there I was, stood in LAX airport being told that I was $300 out of pocket without a anything to show for it and unable to actually get to Forks for my father's funeral. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and the woman opposite me obviously noticed and called over her manager. I began to get worried that I was about to be kicked out of the airport when she explained what had happened and showed him my booking conformation. I was certainly not expecting what happened next.

"I'm terribly sorry for what has happened, Miss Swan. Let me see if we have any other seats on that flight that are available," the manager whose name tag read 'Jim'. He seemed a nice man but I was still expecting him to turn round and tell me that the plane was full and that there was nothing they could do about it. "Ok, well there aren't any economy seats available but there is one in First Class. Now normally you would have to pay the difference for the ticket but since it was our system that made the mistake, I'll give you the seat for no extra charge and I'll call Head Office and try to get you a refund on you original ticket. Jennifer, if you could book that seat of Miss Swan and check her bags while I do that, please?"

"Of course." Jennifer smiled at him and began tapping on the keyboard with her fake nails and an obviously fake smile directed towards me. By the time she had checked my bags and given me my ticket, Jim had returned, this time with a genuine smile.

"I have some great news for you! The company has agreed to refund your original ticket and have told me to take you through to the First Class lounge and see you settled there while you wait for your flight. And your booking of three seats for your return flight has also been upgraded to First Class."

That was quite possibly the best news I had heard all week, especially since money was so tight right now, what with my crappy minimum wage job serving coffee to the anorexics of LA. I was hoping to get a job in Management and I had been for a few interviews but I hadn't heard back from any of them yet. In LA there was no shortage of people in need of representation and Rose had already begun getting me some great contacts which would definitely come in handy. But all that meant that I really couldn't afford any unnecessary expenditure, even though this was certainly a necessary trip.

Jim took me through to the First Class lounge which was out of this world. If I wasn't so upset about the reason for my return home I would have been channelling my inner 'Alice', as we like to call it, and running around like a kid on Christmas but instead I got a bottle of water from the shop and sat down to read my book.

Soon enough a woman came over the tannoy calling all passengers for the 11.20 flight to SeaTac airport to Gate 25 to begin boarding shortly. I made my way across the terminal without paying too much attention to the people around me. Being First Class I was lucky enough to be one of the first on to the plane. I took anything I thought I might have needed during the flight out of my bag before turning off my phone and putting my bag away in one of the overhead bins. I was just getting settled into my seat when I heard someone approach but I paid the person no attention thinking it was just one of the cabin crew. I heard a sharp intake of breathe next to me and looked up to see quite possibly the last person on this earth that I had expected or wanted to see.

Edward Cullen.

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Why doesn't she want to see Edward? What do you think happened there?

Let me know your ideas and what you all think of the chapter!

Natters x


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **So here's the next chapter! You all finally get to find out what happened between Bella and Edward.

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I looked up at him in shock. He shouldn't be here. He couldn't be here. Life couldn't hate me that much, surely?!

"Um, hi?" A question? He wasn't even able to say hello to me.

I just looked away from him. I put my headphones in and started the in flight movie on the little screen in front of me. It was another of those stereotypical rom-coms, one with a Hugh Grant wannabe as the male lead, designed to hold the attention of the entire female species. At any other time I would probably enjoy it a lot but not now. Now I wanted to watch something that would get me through the next two hours, preferably something gory, but it was this or a Disney movie and that definitely wouldn't work.

I felt him sit next to me and I couldn't help but tense up. I had avoided him for six years and I was now expected to sit next to him for the two hour flight from LA to Seattle?! How was _that_ fair? Someone out there must really hate me.

Edward and I had been best friends once upon a time, we had even dated for the last two years of High School but that all changed at the end of the summer before we went to college. His parents lived in the house next to my dad's where I grew up. We had known each other since we were babies and had been best friends for years. He had been my first everything. First best friend, first kiss, first... well there's no need to go into the details. He had been my first kiss during a game of Kiss Chase when we were 8. A game of Spin the Bottle when we were 16 had resulted in him kissing me after which I ran out of the house and ran home in tears. I might have harboured a very secret crush on Edward since I began noticing the difference between girls and boys when I hit puberty but I knew he would never feel the same way. I was a plain Jane and he was a god. He was by far the best looking guy in our school, why would he ever look at me like that?

He followed me. I couldn't quite believe what I was seeing when he knocked on my window not long after I got home. He was sat in the tree that separated our two houses and was exactly in the middle of our windows. He climbed into my room and kissed me again but he didn't let me go when the kiss ended.

"I've wanted to do that for so long," he whispered in my ear.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He wanted to kiss me? It didn't make any sense.

We had talked into the early hours of the night, telling the other everything that we had kept secret for so long. We had ended up lying on my bed with my head resting on his chest. I knew that Charlie wouldn't mind, our parents believed that we could never have anything more than a completely platonic relationship and so didn't mind waking up to find us sleeping in the other's room. I knew that would all change when they found out about this new development so we agreed to keep this a secret, just between the two of us for as long as possible. We didn't even tell our closest friends for about two months. They had to walk in on us kissing on the couch to find out. We kept it from our parents until the end of summer. They were understandably shocked, my dad flipped out a bit at the idea of his baby girl having a boyfriend but he trusted Edward more than any other boy in Forks so he agreed that I could have done a lot worse and over time came to accept Edward as my boyfriend and not just our neighbour and my best friend.

It was an amazing two years. We had our problems, like all couples, but we made it through together. Some people at school had been less than impressed that the gorgeous Edward Cullen was off the market but they eventually left us alone after a couple of months when they realised trying to split us up wasn't working. I thought that we were forever. He told me he loved me six months into our relationship and I replied that I loved him too. It wasn't perfect but it was perfect to me. That was until the end of the summer before we went to college.

We had been inseparable for that summer. We spent almost every waking minute with the other but two days before he was due to leave to go to Dartmouth he told me that he didn't want to be tied down with a girlfriend who was living on the other side of the country while he was at college. He said that he did love me but he wasn't sure if he was still in love with me, it was more like a friendly love apparently. I was shocked to say the least but I refused to let him see me cry. We had spent the last year coming up with ideas on how to help our relationship survive while we were on opposite sides of the country and reassuring the other that we could stay together through it all. That had all been in vain evidently but I still refused to cry. I simply nodded and walked away. The last thing I said to him before I left was "Goodbye." I couldn't say anything else. It was too hard and I would have started crying right there and then on his front porch.

I went to college anyway at the University of California and there I had met Alice and Rosalie, my roommates, who soon became my best friends and they helped me through so much. We had all had our drama but we made it through it all with the help of the other two.

But they weren't here to help me now. I had to somehow survive the next couple of days on my own and it had been made so much worse, thanks to the guy sat next to me.

I was jolted out of my reverie by the plane beginning to take off. I wasn't the best flyer normally but now my nerves were fried and I unthinkingly grabbed onto the arm rest between us. It wasn't until we'd reached cruising height that I realised I hadn't grabbed the armrest but rather Edward's hand that had been on the armrest. I quickly let go of it but not before I felt the same strange current passing between us that had been so familiar when I was younger. He was looking at me with a strange look in his eyes. His beautiful green eyes that I used to know so well were now almost undecipherable to me. I turned back to the film and tried to immerse myself in its story but it was almost half way through and I had no idea what was going on. I turned it off but kept my headphones in, trying to show him that I did not want to talk. I tried sleeping but gave up after ten minutes because my mind was wouldn't shut down.

I was able to ignore him until the cabin crew began serving us lunch and I had to take my headphones out to hear them. Once I had my food I tried to put them back in but Edward stopped me. I turned to my food, doing my best to ignore him but it was very difficult, especially when he started talking to me.

"Bella, please, look at me. I want to tell you something but I can't do that unless you look at me." I still refused, glaring down at my food. "Come on, you owe me at least that much."

That did it.

"_I_ owe _you_?! How dare you! It was you who ended it, remember? It was you who didn't want to even try to make it work. So what exactly do I owe you for? Breaking my heart, making me feel worthless and unlovable? I owe you _nothing_." He looked surprised at my outburst, I was never one to snap like that but I couldn't help it. "If you think for one second, that I'm just going to sit here and listen to your lies for your own entertainment then you have another thing coming. I've changed. I'm not the silly little girl I was at 18. I know what becoming close to you or even listening to you will do to me when you leave again so let's just not even go there. I'm tired of being treated like shit by guys who are not even worth the effort."

Even I was surprised now. I don't know where that came from exactly but it probably had something to do with all of my exes, all of whom were complete and utter bastards, including the one sitting next to me, and they all treated me like shit in the end, I was just too blind to see it when we were together.

He seemed to recoil a bit, most likely in shock that the once shy and timid Bella that he knew was now telling him to effectively piss off. I turned back to my food and began to pick at it. I was not very hungry to begin with and the crappy airplane food certainly wasn't making me want to eat any more.

Silence stretched between us for a while. It was not until they had returned to take our plates that there was any sound between us. We were told by the pilot that we were about to begin our decent into SeaTac airport when he tried to talk to me again. I turned to glare at him once more but he spoke before I could say anything.

"I'm sorry."

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**A/N:** So what did you think? Press that button and let me know ;)

Also I'm on twitter, follow me if you want. I often post information about my stories on there. Just let me know who you are first

Natters x


	3. Chapter 3

I stared at him. He was apologising? Good, he should feel bad for what he did. Part of me desperately wanted to forgive him. That was the part that was still in love with him, but I kept denying, even to myself, how big a part of me that was. The other, much smaller, part wanted to see him suffer for all the pain that he caused me. In an attempt to avoid him, I hadn't gone home as much as I wanted to. I would get Charlie to come down to California and visit me there or I would spend the holidays with my mum and her husband in Florida. I know that I hurt him by not coming home much, only when I could be sure that _he_ wouldn't be there, but he understood why I felt like that. Charlie had been great through it all. Between Edward ending it and me going to college he was simply there. If I ever needed to cry or rant or whatever he would sit with me through it and the only time he gave me any advice was when I had to almost drag it out of him. We weren't always close and neither of us was very good at talking about our feelings but he had been great during that time. I really did miss him.

"I'm so sorry for what I did to you. I know it was stupid but I was stupid and young and scared. I didn't know how much I loved you and how amazing it was being with you until I lost you. You'd been there with me my entire life, I didn't realise how horrible life could be without you in it..."

He continued rambling on but I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Before today we hadn't spoken in six years and he's suddenly apologising for breaking up with me. I had to be dreaming. Although this wasn't exactly the same setting, I used to dream about him coming to me and apologising, begging for my forgiveness and another chance. Sometimes I would refuse him, it would break my dream-me's heart to do it but I would. Other times I would forgive him and we would kiss and live happily ever after.

But this was no dream, this was reality and, as I had learnt the hard way, life's a bitch. If you think you have everything you could ever want it will turn around and take it all away from you. I know this is a very bitter and cynical outlook on life but if you'd been through even half of what I have in the past year, you'd be pretty bitter too.

"...And I realise that I must have hurt you so much when I told you all that but you have to believe me, I didn't mean any of it. I was scared about going to college on the other side of the country to my friends and where I didn't know anyone. I'd heard so many stories about guys cheating on their girlfriends while they were in college and I didn't want to hurt you or betray you like that. I thought it would be better to end it before anything like that could happen but I was stupid. I understand if you hate me for what I did, _I_ hate me for what I did but do you think you could find it in yourself to forgive me? I understand if you can't but I need to hear the words directly from you and not through the Forks gossip chains."

He was looking directly into my eyes, begging me with those green eyes of his, eyes which he knew that I had been powerless to refuse once upon a time. I didn't know how much his very presence still affected me but when I looked into his eyes and saw the cocktail of emotions swirling in those orbs I knew that I still loved him. But could I forgive him? To that I had no idea how to answer. I was so confused.

"I... I don't know..." but I was saved from answering any more by the plane landing suddenly on the runway. Edward looked so crushed at my answer but I think I saw the tiniest flicker of hope that I didn't say no, that there might be a chance of me forgiving him, some day in the future. The very distant future if my cynical and heartbroken part had anything to say about it.

A rather uncomfortable silence spread between us while the plane taxied to the terminal and we waited to be allowed off. I almost ran off the plane but I could sense that Edward was not too far behind me the entire way through customs and while we all had to wait for our luggage. It wasn't until I saw my suitcase and began to reach for it did he attempt to make any form of contact with me again. He reached past me and grabbed my tattered old suitcase off of the conveyor belt and set it down at our feet. I suddenly realised something.

"How are you getting to Forks?" I asked, not entirely politely I have to admit.

"My parents are picking me up, how else would I be getting home?" he asked while looking at me like I had officially lost my mind.

That was what I had been afraid of.

"Oh, it's just Esme said that they'd pick me up as well."

"Well we made it through a two hour flight without you giving in to the need to cut off my balls so I think we should be able to manage the drive to Forks without anything too bad happening. Besides my parents will be there to referee if things do get out of hand." I couldn't help but chuckle at this. Yes, Esme and Carlisle were very good at refereeing when we started fighting when we were younger. I didn't realise it then but that was the first time I laughed without having to force it for about three months.

He got his bags from the belt and put all of our bags on to the trolley beside him. I only had one suitcase while he had one suitcase and one of those bags with wheels on them, both of which were huge. I guess some things don't change, this guy still did not understand the concept of packing light. That is unless he was staying for longer than I assumed. I thought he would be staying for a week tops and then going back to wherever it is that he lives to work or a girlfriend. At the thought of him having a girlfriend I felt my chest tighten and my breathing stop for a second. I knew that I was still in love with him but that didn't mean that I had any claim over him. I couldn't understand why that thought suddenly bothered me so much but it did. Maybe it was because I had done my best to think about him as little as possible for the last six years.

We made our way out into the entrance of the terminal where Esme and Carlisle had said they'd meet us with Edward pushing the trolley and I was following behind. I only got an occasional glimpse of Edward's face as we walked but from what I could see he was obviously thinking something over intently. Since he wasn't really paying attention to the crowds around him, I was the first to notice Esme and Carlisle stood about twenty feet away from us. I immediately turned and walked over to them. I don't think Edward realised I was no longer following him until I had almost reached his parents. Esme welcomed me with open arms and massive hug; she had always been like a second mother to me.

"Bella, dear, I've missed you! I'm so sorry."

"I've missed you too, Esme."

She gave me another tight squeeze and then released me. I turned to greet Carlisle while Edward greeted his mum. Carlisle was the Chief Surgeon at Forks Hospital and it had been very handy living next door to him when I got injured by my clumsiness as a child and throughout my teen years.

"How's my favourite patient doing? No serious injuries from the flight that need looking at?" This was exactly what I needed right now, a sense of normality. That was the typical greeting Carlisle gave me any time he saw me and it helped, it helped me to not dwell on how much I missed Charlie or how bad everything has been in my life.

"No, there are no injuries that need your attention. I managed to avoid any form of physical injury, for once." We both understood the rarity of that.

Once Edward had greeted his father they walked ahead while Esme and I followed them to the car. She had her arm linked through mine but she held me back a little first.

"Bella, I realise that it will be difficult for you two to be in the same car. We were going to bring two but my car is in the garage," Esme whispered to me so that Edward wouldn't hear.

"That's fine, Esme. I've already had to sit next to him on the flight," she looked at me quickly. "It's a long story. So I think I can manage being in a car with you and Carlisle there as well."

Esme gave me a brief one armed hug and we continued walking through the multi-storey car park. By the time we reached the car Carlisle and Edward were lifting the last of our bags into the boot. To do something other than stand around awkwardly I returned the trolley to one of the designated bays. When I got back Carlisle was just getting into the driver's seat after letting Esme in and Edward was simply stood beside the car. As I got to the car, Edward opened the door for me but he stopped me just as I was about to get in.

"Bella, I'm still in love with you and I will find a way to prove it to you."

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**So what did you all think? Review and let me know. Any constructive criticism or ideas for where you want or think this story to going would be greatly appreciated. I'm writing chapter 4 at the moment but I'm struggling slightly so reviews might help me get writing. ****I have plenty of ideas for where I want this story to go and a lot of the later chapters are planned out in my mind but I just have to press on through these first few to get there. Also I think my chapters are getting slightly longer with each new chapter which is good. I always worry that they're not long enough or are just plain boring.**

**I also start my university end of year exams on monday so I really want to get the next chapter written over the next few days so that I can update next week but if the next few chapters are a bit late please don't hate me. But the good news is that my last exam is the 10th May and then I don't have uni again until the end of September so there will be plenty of updates then (hopefully).**

**Natters**

**P.S. Follow me on Twitter, you know you want to :) /Natters999**


	4. Chapter 4

Me again! I'm really sorry this took so long to write. I've been agonising over how to get through this chapter and I finally got an idea today. I've got lots of bits for later in the story planned out but they didn't make sense until I got this chapter sorted. I'm not going to make any promises on when the next chapter will be up because I kind of suck at keeping to a writing programme but please bear with me and don't give up on this story! I will keep writing but the updates might be few and far between, I get bouts of writing ideas and then nothing for a long while.

Oh and by the way, when I say football in this chapter I mean proper football, not American football. I do use American terminology occasionally but there are some words that I physically cannot bring myself to write, including _"soccer"_ and _"Mom"_ *shudder* to name two in particular. I have nothing against anyone who uses any of these words, I just haven't been brought up to say or write them and it physically pains me to use them, so it's a good thing I live in England and not America when it comes to vocabulary.

Right, that's sorted, on with the story!

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"_Bella, I'm still in love with you and I will find a way to prove it to you."_

And with that he let me get into the car, shut my door and got in the other side. He didn't look at me again for the entire journey to Forks. He simply stared out of the window with the same look of intense concentration that had been on his face earlier. I couldn't help but glance over at him every few minutes. I was almost excited about how he was going to try to convince me that he loves me but another part of me was terrified. I was scared about what would happen to me if I let him in again. What would I do if he left again? What would I do if it turns out he has a girlfriend and this has all been a game for his sick pleasure? My mind went into overdrive thinking of all the possible outcomes, some better than others.

If Carlisle and Esme heard what Edward said to me before we got in the car, they didn't let it show. They managed to somehow keep the conversation going for most of the journey and if there were any silences they tried not to make them awkward. Carlisle and Esme were very good at making people feel at ease around them and I've never been more grateful for that particular ability of theirs until now.

I hardly noticed the passing scenery or the time it took at make the 181 mile journey from SeaTac airport to Forks. I was too busy to notice much apart from Edward. Although my mind was whirring I seemed to be hyper aware of his every movement and expression. I couldn't quite comprehend what he said or what might happen over the next few weeks.

All too soon we were pulling into the Cullen's driveway. I got out of the car before Edward had a chance to open my door for me. When we were younger he would always try to open my door for me, that was one of the many things I loved about him, but I couldn't deal with all the memories that thought brought up. That was in vain though because as soon as I stepped out of the car and took one look towards my house I was assaulted by memories of my childhood. Charlie teaching me how to ride a bike, playing on the front lawn with my friends, Carlisle bandaging my ankle after I sprained it tripping over yet another tree root, the truck that Charlie had given me for my 16th birthday... it was all coming back to me.

I could feel the tears begin to well in my eyes as I saw each memory unfold in my mind's eye. I was so caught up in the past that I didn't notice Esme standing next to me until she put her hand on my shoulder. I wanted to look at her but I couldn't take my eyes off Charlie's house.

Esme didn't say a word; she simply guided me into her house while I assume Edward and Carlisle got our bags. We went into the kitchen where Esme proceeded to make everyone a cup of coffee.

"I don't think I can go in there, Esme," I said but it came out as no more than a whisper.

She tuned to look at me. "Bella, I know this is hard for you. You know that you're very welcome to stay here for as long as you need. But you will have to go in there at some point."

"I know and thank you. It's just so hard to believe that he's actually gone."

"I wish there was something more that we could do to help you. The pain of losing a parent is only surpassed by that of losing a child in my experience. I wouldn't wish either on my worst enemy." Esme came over to me then and gave me another hug but this was one of comfort and understanding. She had lost a child only a year or two after Edward was born and his parents refused to go through that again. I remember Edward telling me when we were 14 and his parents told him when he asked why they didn't have more children.

That was how Carlisle and Edward found us a few minutes later, with our arms around each other as tears fell down our faces while the kettle was bubbling away on the counter. When we finally released the other and turned to face them, they seemed to know already what had upset us both so much. Carlisle silently turned off the kettle and guided Esme out of the room while Edward and I simply stared at each other. I didn't know what to say to him. Part of me already felt ashamed for what I'd said to him on the plane but I think it needed to be said. Another wave of grief and remorse swept through me and although I tried to suppress it, I let out a sob before trying to turn away. I didn't want Edward to see me like this.

He wouldn't let me though because a moment later I found myself in his arms and it was like the breaking of the dam that I had tried to hide my emotions behind. I ended up sobbing into his chest while he held me tightly in his arms. I felt safe and at home for the first time in a long while and I just let everything pour out of me.

I don't know how long I cried for but at some point my legs gave out and we ended up sat on the kitchen floor. Edward, to his credit, never let me go. He just kept holding me, rubbing my back and whispering reassurances into my ears. It took a long time for my tears to run dry but even longer before I felt like I could leave the protection offered by Edward's arms. I finally opened my eyes and pulled back from him a little to see his face.

"Thank you," was the only thing I could think of to say at that particular moment. "I'm getting fed up with crying all the time but I think I needed that."

Edward gave me one final squeeze and then loosened his arms around me a little. I was reluctant to move and break the spell that had seemed to settle over us. I was glad that we weren't arguing or anything for the time being, it was the last thing I needed right now. I just needed someone to help me though this.

"Bella, I know how much I must have hurt you six years ago but I want to try to make it up to you. I understand that you'll have trouble trusting me again. I want to prove to you that I'm still the boy that was your best friend/boyfriend but that I've grown up and realised just how wrong my decision was to lie to you and end our relationship. I never stopped loving you."

"I know Edward, I never stopped loving you either," Edward looked like all his Christmases and birthdays had come at once, "but I don't think I'm ready for anything like that right now. I need to get through all this and try to sort out my life before I can even think about getting into anything again."

He looked a bit like someone had just asked him to eat his puppy. "I understand. But just know that I am truly sorry for what I did and said. I want you to trust me like you used to."

"I want that too but it's going to take me a while to be able to." Edward nodded but I could still see the sadness in his eyes. "How about for now we meet in the middle? Friends?"

I held out my hand to him and he took it gratefully and shook it. "Friends."

Neither of us could hide the small smiles caused by our agreement. I tried to squash the impulse to throw my arms round him like I would have so many years ago. It was at that moment that Edward's stomach decided to make its presence known and grumbled loudly. We both jumped at the sound and Edward even blushed slightly but I pretended not to notice it as I looked around for the time on the oven clock.

19.02

I tried to jump up when I realised how late it was but I ended up crashing back down onto the floor when my legs refused to cooperate with me. I hadn't noticed that my legs had gone numb while we were sat on the floor and it took a few minutes before we both felt that our legs had regained enough feeling to be able to support us.

We decided to make dinner for everyone and settled on spaghetti Bolognese, something quick and easy to do. Just before the food was ready Carlisle and Esme walked returned to the kitchen. Neither of them showed any outward sign of the emotions that had been stirred earlier but I noticed them standing closer to the other, more than usual anyway.

Dinner was filled with idle chatter about the happenings among the residents of Forks and some of the more ridiculous patients that Carlisle sees at the hospital. I couldn't help but feel guilty though, I'd obviously upset all three of the Cullen's on my first day back in Forks, that definitely wasn't what I wanted to happen. So when Esme began clearing our plates away I got up to help and followed her into the kitchen.

"Esme, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Oh dear, I know you didn't. It wasn't your fault anyway. I believe everything happens for a reason and I've made my peace with that but that doesn't mean I don't sometimes feel upset about it. It's okay to cry sometimes, Bella, no one that truly cares for you will judge you for it, and those that do obviously aren't worth your time." And with that she gave me one final hug before following the men into the living room.

I went to follow her but when I noticed they were watching the highlights of the football games from the weekend I decided to give it a miss and say my good nights. I did like watching sports but they were always on the TV in the coffee shop at weekends so I'd already seen most of the games being shown. I quickly got ready for bed and checked my phone. I'd forgotten to let Alice and Rose know that I'd landed and got back to Forks alright so there were the standard worried texts and voicemails but I really didn't feel up to facing them tonight so I sent them both a really apologetic text saying that I'd run into an ex and I'd fill them in on the details when they got here. I know it was wrong of me and that my best friends were simply worried about me but my eyes were starting to droop and I would have likely fallen asleep on the phone to them. They deserved the whole story and not a brief overview which is likely all they would have gotten out of me before I passed out.

I turned my phone off and tried to get comfortable in the giant bed of one of the Cullen's guest rooms that they'd kindly given me for as long as I needed it during this stay. I needed to try to get some sleep; tomorrow was not going to be an easy day, I had to start planning my father's funeral.


	5. Chapter 5

Two chapters in one week, aren't we the lucky ones! For some insane reason I had a sudden burst of ideas the other night and got this out. I hope you enjoy it. I have chapter 6 partly written but I'm going away for my Uncle's 50th birthday/News Year's celebrations so I hope to have lots of reviews/alerts/favourites waiting for me when I get back, that'd definitely be a very good start to the year. Please review and tell me if you liked this or not, after the last chapter I'm starting to get the feeling that no one really reads or likes this so if you do please let me know and I'll keep writing for you!

Also follow me on twitter, I changed my name to Natters_13 recently because 13 means more to me than 999.

Happy New Year!

* * *

When I woke up the next morning it took me a few minutes to remember where I was and why I was here. The sudden realisation that I would be making the arrangements for my father's funeral today made me want to curl up and never leave this room. I felt like I wanted to start crying again but I was tired of crying and being upset all the time. I know that I shouldn't bottle up my emotions but that doesn't mean I wouldn't try. My friends don't need to be comforting me all the time; they must have better things to do. Charlie was gone and no amount of tears would bring him back. With that final thought I forced myself out of bed and got ready to go for a run to try to clear my head.

It was 6am so I snuck out the house as quietly as possible. As soon as my feet hit the pavement they took me on a route round Forks that I used to know very well. I ran through the car park of my old High School, past several of my friends' houses, past the dinner where I used to go with the guys after school and at weekends. It took me a while but when I realised where my feet were taking me next I made a sudden right turn down a residential street that I knew connected to another main road. I couldn't face that building right now, the one that reminded me so much of Charlie, just like the house did. I didn't want to see his co-workers and friends that would only look at me with pity and tell me what a great man my father was, I didn't think I could handle it. I knew I would have to face them all at the funeral and many more beside them but that could wait. I wasn't prepared for it this morning. I'd hoped to avoid anyone by being out so early, especially in August when the children would sleep and the adults wouldn't be leaving for work yet.

I finished off my run with a sprint down the street to the Cullen's home, closing my eyes as I ran past Charlie's house and into the Cullen's' using the key they gave me last night. I made my way to the guest room and headed straight to the ensuite bathroom for a shower. I know it was childish of me but I couldn't face looking at my childhood home just yet. The rush of memories I'd experienced when I saw it yesterday made me apprehensive about doing so again. I just wanted to stop all these emotions from overwhelming me. Ever since I was a child I've been very good at hiding my feelings behind a mask that only a very select few have ever seen behind. I hated that I couldn't control these emotions like I had always done before. I hated to let people see me weak, even those that I knew I could trust with my life. I'd been such a mess over the past few months with everything that's happened and I will always be grateful to Rose and Alice for all their love and support but I hated the fact that I was so reliant on them for that time. I hated the fact that whenever things started going well for me and I was actually happy, something would come along and ruin it. My loving mother had always enjoyed pointing this out to me. Renee often said that I was a curse and she hated me for coming along and ruining her life. She used to say that if it wasn't for me she'd be living it up in New York or London or somewhere like that with a rich loving husband and beautiful children; instead she was stuck in Forks, married to Charlie, who loved her, that was for certain, but they had to make do on what he made as a Police Officer (he didn't become the Police Chief until after I turned 10), and they had me, the ungrateful pathetic ugly daughter that ruined her life.

Fortunately for me and my non-existent self esteem, Renee and Charlie got divorced not long after my 8th birthday. Apparently Renee didn't like that fact that Charlie had gotten me a few extra presents and had spoilt me rotten on my birthday. He'd made me so happy that day and I don't think she liked that. I overheard them arguing a week later, saying that Charlie had spent far too much money on me and that the presents would have to be returned so that Renee could afford to go on a spa weekend in Seattle with some of her friends because she was just so stressed from being a housewife. Charlie had told her in no uncertain terms that I was allowed to keep the presents and that if she wanted to continue to be able to have all these spa treatments and expensive clothes and such that she would have to get a job and pay for them herself because he wasn't going to do it anymore. It was then and there that I knew undoubtedly that Charlie loved me. We might not have said it very often but I always knew that I was the most important thing in his life. I'd always been a Daddy's girl; right from when I was a baby I've been told. It was that night that Renee told him that she was leaving him. I don't think he saw it coming but he didn't show it, he just told her to pack her bags and make sure she was out of the house by morning. The divorce proceedings would have got messy if it weren't for the fact that Renee wasn't suing for custody of me but that she wanted the house and a very large alimony pay out while Charlie had full custody of me. I think she'd hoped to make a deal outside of court but Charlie wouldn't go for it and so the judge ruled that she wouldn't get anything except part of the house since the deed was in both their names and she'd never contributed anything monetarily to the family so she couldn't claim for that. Carlisle leant Charlie the money to buy out her share in the house and I have only see her once since and that was on my High School Graduation. Apparently she had felt the need to tell me that she was getting married (for the fourth time) and that she wanted me to come to Florida and live with them, her fiancé Phil was a minor league baseball player and had just got signed there. She wasn't too impressed with my choice of UCLA but at least she was on the other side of the country to me and I haven't seen or spoken to her since. I didn't know if she knew about Charlie but I wasn't going to tell her, she would no doubt find out about it through some of her old 'friends' in Forks that I always suspected she used to spy on myself and Charlie and if she wanted to be here she would be.

I was roused from my thoughts by the sound of knocking on the bathroom door and Esme's voice asking if everything was alright. I noticed that I'd gone through the motions of washing my hair and body and was now stood under rapidly cooling water. I hastily told her I was alright, turned off the water and wrapped myself in a massive bath towel. I caught sight of myself in the mirror over the sink as I got out the shower. I'd never considered myself beautiful, probably partly because I spent the first part of my childhood hearing how ugly I was from my own mother. I mean I know I can look very pretty but that is only after Alice and Rosalie have worked their magic on me. I'm not stunning like either of them and so I've often wondered what guys see in me. I have gained some confidence since going to college, mainly down to my best friends and the interest that guys started showing in me. I'd spent the last two years of High School with Edward and guys in Forks tended to stay away from us girls that had boyfriends and friends that would kick their ass if they ever tried anything, so it was a shock to go out and actually get chatted up by guys.

I shook my head, trying to get rid of these thoughts. The last thing I wanted to deal with at the moment was my confidence issues. I dressed in a simple pair of black, semi-smart jeans, a dark blue blouse and blue pumps. I thought that I should try to make a bit of an effort since I would be going out with Esme to make the arrangements today so I put on a little light make up like my friends had taught me and blow dried out my hair. The funeral was planned for the Monday morning with the wake in the early afternoon and although Charlie had made most of the decisions himself and had set them out in his will, I still had to make the final arrangements and also meet with our family lawyer to go over the will.

Once I was satisfied that I looked alright I grabbed my phone and some water from the kitchen and went and sat on the porch at the front of the house. It didn't seem like anyone else was up yet apart from Esme who was pottering about in the back garden. I turned my phone on and had a quick check of my messages again. There was only one from my friends, just to say that they loved me and would talk to me later today to sort out when and where to meet them at the airport tomorrow. I looked up as the morning paper was thrown onto the porch step by a moody looking kid. I was reading the paper, catching up on the news of Washington State when I heard the door open behind me. I looked up expecting it to be either Esme or Carlisle on his way to work.

"Good morning," said a smiling Edward. "I thought I'd come see if you wanted any company. I bring fresh orange juice and croissants baked by my mum this morning..."

"Ah so you think that I can be bought with juice and pastries? You know me so well."

"I knew you had a soft spot for French cuisine."

"Not all of it, just their pastries. The thought of eating snails or horse or something like that makes me feel ill."

"I'll bear that in mind."

We lapsed into an almost comfortable silence. There were things that we both wanted to say but I couldn't find the words to say them. Luckily Edward knew what to do, or at least he pretended he did.

"Bella, about yesterday... I know I've hurt you so much in the past but I really do want to make it up to you. I still love you, I've never stopped loving you but I know that right now you don't want a boyfriend; you just want a friend, so that is what I'll be. I won't mention the L word again and I will simply go back to being your friend Edward for now, if that is what you want?"

I looked at him for a long while, trying to decipher the true meaning behind his words but I gave up in the end, this kind of thing was always Alice or Rose's forte. "Edward, you know how I feel but you're right, I'm not ready for anything like that again. I'd love for you to be my friend Edward again. I've missed being able to talk to you about anything and everything over the past few years and I really need my friends right now."

I leant forward and gave him a hug. I think he was surprised that I didn't start crying again like some people would have but I'm refusing to let my emotions get the better or me today. I would take comfort from Edward and his parents and my obsession with organising people and events. I could lose myself in the structure of it all and distance myself from it for a little while at least. We let each other go and returned to our breakfasts and the newspaper in front of us. I was surprised to hear the door across the street go but assuming that it was Mr Whitlock or Mr Jenkins going to work I didn't bother looking up from the paper. It wasn't until I heard two voices shout that I paid more attention to the street in front of me.

"BELLA!"


	6. Not a Chapter

I've been looking at my unfinished stories and now that I'm home for the summer I've decided to try to at least finish them. I really don't like how this story is progressing or how I've written it so I've decided to delete this story in the next couple of weeks and spend the summer re-writing it to try to make it flow better. I really like the idea behind this story but the way I've written it just seems too stunted and it doesn't flow right.

Hopefully I'll be able to work on this over the summer and when I post it again it'll be a much better story. I just had one of those moments when I was reading it and thought "If this was someone else's story I probably wouldn't read it." I might be being too harsh on myself but I think that I can make it a lot better.

You're all welcome to follow me on twitter for updates on how the re-write of this story and any others I get ideas for are going. My fanfiction twitter is ff_Natters13.


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